Movie Review: "Captain America - Civil War" by David Pretty

IN A NUTSHELL

Due to a recent rash of civilian deaths and collateral damage related to super-human battles, the United Nations decides to muzzle the Avengers. Plagued by guilt after creating Ultron, Tony Stark / Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) immediately folds quicker than Quicksilver on laundry day while Steve Rogers / Captain America (Chris Evans) adamantly rejects any suggestion of government oversight. The growing rift between these two camps quickly deepens when Cap's brainwashed pal Bucky (Sebastian Stan), a.k.a. the Winter Soldier, is implicated in a high-profile terrorist attack. With sides chosen and battle lines drawn, everything builds up to the most spectacular super-hero rumble ever committed to film. Spider-Man guest stars.

IN THE WHEELHOUSE

If you want to know how The Winter Soldier pays off or, at the very least, if Joss Whedon's remaining hair loss over Age of Ultron was justified, than get in line, getcher ticket and sit yer asses down! Basically, comic fans will draw wood, general audiences will be entertained by all the imaginative punchery and critics will wonder where the hell all of this is headed.

 

PROS

• Screenwriters Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely manage to do a pretty admirable job justifying this film's existence. In spite of this some people are bitching that Tony Stark is waaaaay outta line, Steve Rogers acts far too pig-headed and civilians shouldn't be so churlish after they've been rescued by the Avengers. Based on what I've seen thus far in the series I firmly disagree on all three counts. First off, Tony was personally responsible for Ultron who, we all know, wiped out an entire city. Frankly, if I was Tony I'd be wondering why I wasn't locked up. And thanks to the events in The Winter Soldier, Steve already knows that absolutely power corrupts absolutely. He also knows that Bucky isn't acting of his own accord and has been H.Y.D.R.A.'s monkey boy all this time. As for civilians bitching about being saved, just take a minute to think about all of the moronic forms of litigation that your fellow human beings have inflicted on the legal system over the years. Even if you want to completely dismiss this out of kind, the Vision (Paul Bethany) is on fleek to drop some major science on us, noting that "In the eight years since Mr. Stark announced himself as Iron Man, the number of known enhanced persons has grown exponentially. And during the same period, a number of potentially world-ending events has risen at a commensurable rate. There may be a causality. Our very strength invites challenge. Challenge incites conflict. And conflict breeds catastrophe. Oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand." So, with these three things firmly established, I willingly crawled into the lead car, lowered the bar and proceeded to enjoy the shit outta the insane roller coaster ride that followed.
• Not content with getting all of their logical ducks in a row, Markus and McFeely weave an intriguing "secret puppet master" story thread into the fabric of the script. When the presumptive "big" bad is finally revealed, his motivations are refreshingly small-scale. Part and parcel with this is a wonderful fake-out where a glaringly hackneyed and anticipated conflict is telegraphed in lieu of a gut-crushing revelation and a considerably more emotional show down between the two leads. * slow clap *
• By some miracle, Anthony and Joe Russo have found a way to eclipse the action sequences in The Winter Soldier. In spite of its epic scale, the opening tiff with Crossbones (Frank Grillo) always keeps one foot firmly planted in the material world. Then comes a gritty and creatively-vicious sequence in which Cap and the Winter Soldier plow their way through an entire special forces unit while fleeing an apartment complex. This, in turn, segues into a stunning foot / car chase that belongs in the same pantheon as Bullit or The French Connection. Next up is the euphorically-fun airport rumble which is definitely the best donnybrook between a bunch of super-powered characters that we've ever seen thus far. The creative synergy produced when all of these nutty special talents interact is an absolute joy to behold and everyone gets a chance to shine. As if that wasn't enough, we get a smaller-scale, but even more emotionally satisfying, final confrontation that works like a charm simply because all of the character's motivations have been firmly established.  
• It almost feels redundant to talk about the cast but they're still a major component of the film's success. None moreso than Chris Evans who leads the way with a stalwart and resolute portrayal of Captain America. With his propensity for proselytizing and blatant flag-wavery I've always hated the comic version of Cap. But thanks to the MCU and Evans's unearthly charisma, the character has been reborn as a no-nonsense individualist who is positively baffled by self-absorbed, weak-willed and easily-led sheeple. Since Bucky is literally his one and only connection to the past, it makes perfect sense that he'd go through hell and back to protect his friend and clear his name. Words can't express how excited I am to finally see a protagonist that sticks to his moral code, even in the face of so much compelling, if wrong-headed, adversity.
• Some fans are also whinging that Tony Stark is, in Black Widow's parlance "uncharacteristically non-hyper-verbal" but, hey, guess what, he should be. It's called an "arc", morons! After creating Ultron in a moment of hubris and parting ways with Pepper Potts, Stark's confidence is essentially shattered. Arr Dee Jay does his usual awesome job, dialing the once-cocksure maverick down a few notches to the point where he's completely cowed and filled with doubt. Check out the genuine sorrow he exhibits when his dream of the Avengers starts to circle the drainpipe or when major revelations cause him to snap. All is not dour and depressing, however, as evidenced by the Peter Parker (Tom Holland) recruitment scene, which virtually demands his return to form. 
• Another source of chronic bellyachin' is the supposed flip-floppery exhibited by Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) which, curiously enough, is a trait that she's well known for in the comics. Frankly, after she was publicly raked over the coals in front of Congress at the conclusion of Winter Soldier it makes perfect sense that she would exercise some prudence and stay on the straight n' narrow path, at least until the facts shake out. In fact, a case can be made that she's the smartest, most level-headed character in the entire film. I love that her early warnings to Cap are basically designed to see just committed he is and her turnaround only happens after she's gathered enough insight to make an informed decision. Through it all, Johansson is formidable in battle and a persuasive proponent for calm, rational thought.
• After seeing the original Captain America: The First Avenger back in 2011, I would never have guessed that Sebastian Stan's Bucky Barnes would emerge as one of my favorite characters. But thanks to visionary producer Kevin Feige and writers Markus and McFeely, they've collectively forged one of the most tragic fictional characters in cinema history. Stan is more than up to the challenge; when he's on point as the Winter Soldier he's a terrifying, nigh-unstoppable killing machine but when he has a moment of clarity as Bucky he's sweet, sad and contrite, justifying Steve's unconditional faith in him at every turn.

• Antony Mackie's Falcon gets a surprisingly-welcome amount of screen time here. Since Cap's intuition RE: S.H.I.E.L.D. proved to be spot-on, Sam doesn't require a lot of arm-twisting to become Steve's most trusted and unwavering ally. But things get very interesting when Bucky is added to the mix because the two of them are like oil and water, leading to a hilarious exchange in, of all places, a Volkswagen Beetle. Mackie does a fantastic job with the presumably-acrobatic, wire-related action scenes as well delivering his lines with a wry sense of perspective. Plus I was pretty jazzed to finally see his sidekick "Redwing" added to the mix.  
• Paul Bettany's Vision and Elizabeth Olsen's Scarlett Witch have also seen their roles expanded, to the point where hints of their budding comic book romance are starting to emerge. Thanks to the Infinity Gem embedded in the Vision's noggin', Bettany has inherited a character with some interesting and subtle dichotomies which he's really running with. At one turn I'm chuckling at his "trying too hard" Abercrombie & Fitch look and the next minute I'm shocked to see him lose focus during a pivotal moment in battle. In many ways, Wanda is the perfect match for him. She's still coming to grips with her unearthly powers so between her Sokovian trial by fire and the incident that kicks off the registration furor, Olsen has to temper Wanda's raw might with a vein of fragility and hesitance. And even though she reflexively falls into Stark's guilt trap, she soon starts to rail against the threat of internment, regardless of how benign it is. Together they serve up a few tender moments as well as a few wince-inducing confrontations.   
• This entry also brings us the wonderful Chadwick Boseman as T'Challa, a.k.a. the Black Panther. As a fan of low-powered superheroes with bad-ass costumes, I've always liked Black Panther and I was positively stunned that (A) he's integral to the plot and (B) he's relevant to the film's conclusion. His is an economic origin story of sorts and since the character is virtually unknown to the general public, that's probably for the best. Boseman himself is a great pick for Black Panther since he's regal, erudite and cool as fuck. Bonus points: the writers wisely give him the sort of enlightened arc that you really wish the two main principals should have embraced.
• As Peter Parker / Spider-Man, Tom Holland is another welcome addition. Given Sony's only-recent change of heart RE: lending him back to Marvel Studios, he's not nearly as well integrated into the plot as Black Panther is. He's basically an "out of left field" wringer that Tony Stark's been conveniently keeping tabs on for the past little while. None of this should negatively reflect on Holland, however, who proves to be the most accurate on-screen incarnation of the character I've seen thus far. And even though he doesn't physically resemble who I'd personally cast as Peter Parker, he also doesn't have the "born loser" qualities of Tobey Maguire nor the emo-hip persona of Andrew Garfield. Despite being dirt poor, he's smart, earnest, upbeat and enthusiastic, clearly jazzed to join Team Iron Man just because he hero-worships the famous industrialist. Fortunately this same level of awesome is sustained well into the web-slinging scenes. I really have no idea how much of Holland is physically present during these moments but his line readings strike the perfect balance between fanboy-ism, nervous babbling and smack-talk. To make his introduction even better, the John Romita-influenced Spidey suit is something I've always wanted to see on the big screen.
• Meanwhile, Ant-Man is Cap's insect ying to Tony's arachnid yang. Paul Rudd is absolutely delightful in the movie. At first he's star-struck after meeting the Living Legend but as soon as he's hurled into action he immediate starts livin' life large. Literally. Nope, no Man of Steel-style hand-wringery or overt mopery on display here; Rudd literally revels in his ability to surprise himself and his opponents in battle. Between infiltrating Iron Man's defenses and recklessly mashing the reverse button on his shrinky-suit just for shits n' giggles, Rudd is single-handedly responsible for some of the film's most memorable moments of giddy joy. It also doesn't hurt that he delivers some of the movie's best lines with impeccable comic timing, to the point where I'm hankering for another Ant-Man movie.      
• Daniel Brühl is also solid as Helmut Zemo. Although I wish they'd given his character any other name, I still dig his humble origins and simple, thematically-appropriate motivations. Personally I don't know how feasible his scheme would be in the "real" world but Brühl is one-hundred percent committed to it and displays the sort of cold, remorseless intensity that only a completely ruined man would exhibit.
• Yes, the cast is a tad inflated but every single player adds an additional layer to the film. Like the Falcon to Cap, Don Cheadle's James "Rhodey" Rhodes / War Machine is Tony's stalwart number two, floating some very compelling and persuasive reasons to sign the Sokovia Accord. Jeremy Renner's Hawkeye is his usual pragmatic, self-depreciating self, and I'm never gonna stop rooting for a solo flick for him. It's also great to see Cap finally get some long over-due play courtesy of the tough and highly capable Sharon Carter (Emily VanCamp), who clearly shares his pragmatic world view. She expertly presides over several key sequences that not only solidifies Cap's resolve it also locked mine down as well. Also, Frank Grillo and William Hurt make continuity-a-riffic appearances as Brock Rumlow and Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross respectively. Given his messy fate in Winter Soldier, it's great to see Grillo back as a rage and hatred-fueled super-villain while William Hurt reminds us that The Incredible Hulk was a thing that happened way back in two-thousand-aught-eight in the most sure-footed and infuriating way possible.             

THE BAD

•  Not much to speak of, really.

THE M'EH

• IMHO, Winter Soldier is still superior to Civil War mainly because it's sleeker, more mysterious, the sub-text is ballsier and it's more tonally even. But I wouldn't be surprised if Civil War ultimately turns out to be the "funner" film, the one that stands up to repeat viewings better. I suppose that only time, and a few more re-watches, will tell.
• Even though I'm kinda bummed by how Baron Zemo got "Mandarin-ed", I have to appreciate the script's gutsy bait n' switch move with him. Nice move, Markus and McFeely.       
• As I mentioned before, I loved how the Russo Brothers never once cheated the action in The Winter Soldier. They created dynamic set-ups, shot a ton of stuff practically and pulled the camera way back so we could see what was going on at all times. Now, I'm gonna hold off turning this into a negative until I see the movie again in a non-IMAX 3-D format 'cuz the opening action scene in Lagos looked like it was filmed in FRENETIC ZOOM-IN-O-VISION. Maybe it was a stylistic choice for that particular set piece or maybe it was just my shitty perspective in the theater but, man, it was super-easy to loose track of the action during that scene.   

THE BOTTOM LINE

Civil War might have more excess fat on its bones than The Winter Soldier but it also shares that movie's penchant for sharp writing, witty dialogue, solid acting and social commentary. Most importantly, the film introduces something totally original: the first real on-screen tilt between two A-list groups of super-heroes.

A lesser production probably would have gone ahead and started shooting with this as its centerpiece but instead the producers of Civil War cared enough to keep a laser-like focus on theme, heart and emotion in order to justify their visual delights.

Tilt: up.

Movie Review: "Ex Machina" by David Pretty

Translated from Latin as "the machines of god", deus ex machina refers to five year old story-tellers (or lazy screenwriters) who come up with inexplicable and hitherto-unknown forces or events to miraculously redeem seemingly-hopeless situations. 

On the other hand, Ex Machina, literally translated as "from the machine", is certainly one of the best movies I've seen in recent memory.

Caleb Smith (The Force Awakens' Domhnall Gleeson) is a coder for Blue Book, the world's largest search engine. He wins a contest to visit the company's CEO, an obscenely-wealthy, reclusive, eccentric genius named Nathan Bateman, played by The Force Awakens' Oscar Isaac. Bateman soon reveals that he's been working on the first true example of artificial intelligence in the form of Ava (The F̶̷o̶̷r̶̷c̶̷e̶̷ ̶̷A̶̷w̶̷a̶̷k̶̷e̶̷n̶̷s̶̷'̶̷  Danish Girl's Alicia Vikander), a humanoid female robot. 

Nathan wants Caleb to apply the Turing test to Ava to see if she's passable as human. This leads to one of the movie's more portentous exchanges:

Caleb: It's just in the Turing test, the machine should be hidden from the examiner.

Nathan: No, no. We're way past that. If I hid Ava from you so you could just hear her voice, she would pass for human. The real test is to show you that she's a robot and then see if you still feel she has consciousness.

Caleb: Yeah, I think you're probably right.   

 
Nathan's unconventional thought process isn't just limited to lax testing procedures. He's obsessively health-conscious but also a borderline alcoholic. He treats his gorgeous Japanese servant Kyoko (Sonoya Mizuno) like dirt. And he develops a nasty mean streak when Ava and Caleb start to bond during their conversations. This all leads to some explosive revelations and a denouement that justifies the film's abbreviated title.

Just when I'd feared that original, cerebral, artful sci-fi had all but vanished, Ex Machina comes along to prove me wrong. Credit writer Alex Garland, who also penned one of my all-time favorite novels, The Beach. No, I'm not talking about the Danny Boyle / Leonardo DiCaprio flick, I'm talking about the original book. The movie's a piece of poo.

Sorry, I digress. Garland's script is everything I'd ever want in a sci-fi film. It dumps Caleb smack dab into the middle of Nathan's spider-web right away and almost immediately things start to percolate. There are just enough early tells to convince the audience that things aren't quite as they seem. The dialogue as a whole is organic and interesting to listen to, with the scenes between Caleb and Nathan growing increasingly tense and combative while the interviews between Caleb and Ava slowly lead both of them into deeper waters. 

Not only is Garland's script tremendous in a nuts-and-bolts sense, it also serves up plenty of unexpected revelations. Unlike so many other films of its ilk, I was genuinely pleased by the final ten minutes of the film. Even better, the script is rife with interesting sub-text. As someone who's acutely interested in Ray Kurzweil's theory of technology singularity, words can't describe how excited I am to see a cinematic work of fiction wrestle with deep thoughts like exponential tech growth, a lack of privacy in the internet age and the hubris inherent in creating an AI superior to humans.   

  

The concept of artificial life run amok is certainly nothing new, but when you consider how old 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), Westworld (1973), The Terminator (1984) and Blade Runner (1982) are, we really needed a more modern take on the subject. Since we're essentially living in the future depicted in those films right now, we really needed a more contemporary snapshot of where we stand. And Ex Machina does this with chilling aptitude.  

Serving double duty as the film's director, Garland and cinematographer Rob Hardy have produced a coolly-distant-looking movie that, dare I say it, looks downright Kubrickian from time to time. From the epic expanses of Bateman's wilderness retreat, to the antiseptic halls of his research facility, to the reflective inner sanctum of Ava's glass cell, the film sports a pronounced visual tone of detachment and mechanical alienation. By keeping his camera in motion and indulging in off-center set-ups and top-down angles, Garland cultivates a nigh-intolerable level of unconscious discordance and paranoia. Adding to this is the dreamy, ethereal synth score by Ben Salisbury and Geoff Barrow which evokes shades of Giorgio Moroder, Brad Fiedel, John Carpenter, Tangerine Dream and Vangelis. 

The film's unsettling tone is heightened considerably by some simple, yet highly effective, special effects that bring the aliens in Attack the Block to mind. By all accounts, everything was shot practically in-camera with Alicia Vikander's hands, face and feet rotoscoped onto a digital robot body. No green screen. No dot-covered faces. No motion capture. The effect is breathtakingly flawless and works perfectly within the context of the film's sober climate of realism.

The cast is all universally awesome. While watching Star Wars: The Force Awakens I could tell that both Domhnall Gleeson and Oscar Isaac had considerable acting chops, so it's wonderful to watch them sink their teeth into something so rich and substantial. Gleeson is eminently relate-able. He's kinda awkward, passionate about his work and clearly has a good heart. We're pulled right along with him as he starts to develop feelings for Ava and his mistrust of Nathan continues to build. Eventually Nathan's incessant mind-fuckery starts to wear on him, leading to a crises of self-doubt that's particularly harrowing to watch.  

Isaac is even better. At first introduction, Nathan Bateman comes across as your average eccentric, hipster-dot-com, Elon Musk-flavored, mock-informal tech genius. But, right from the beginning, he's also a bundle of walking contradictions, insisting on the best food and exercising obsessively while getting blind drunk almost every night. Isaac makes sure that there's something slightly askew with the whole "I'm your boss but also your buddy" tone. He's so intense, so focused and so supremely confident that he adopts Caleb's off-handed "god" reference as fact. Even after the beans are finally spilled RE: Bateman's icky motivations and past dealings, Isaac insures that our thoughts about him remain surprisingly complicated. 

And then there's Alicia Vikander, who turns in a brave, bold and heart-rending performance as Ava. She does a great job embodying this sweet, innocent, likeable captive and you really can't slight Caleb for developing feelings for her, regardless of her odd appearance and slightly-off-kilter demeanor. Vikander easily clears her biggest hurdle: retaining all of these likeable qualities while betraying certain limitations that are maddeningly obvious to her creator. Her motivations for impressing Caleb, her inability to comprehend her lot in life and her final acts of desperation all make perfect sense in the end. All of this leads to an unconventional and highly-welcome resolution. 

Now, I'm sure some people will watch Ex Machina and be bored by it. I am not one of those people. I'm one of those people who thought that the Will Smith / Alex Proyas bastardization of Isaac Asimov's I, Robot was dull as shit. Anyone can decree a CGI-soaked action sequence but very few people can craft a compelling, thought-provoking script which creates a sustained sense of dread whilst inspiring the actors to deliver three-dimensional characters that we care about.

If this movie had been handled by lesser film-makers, it probably would have ended with the inexplicable, convenient, last minute arrival of some previously-unseen "rescue 'bots" to save the day. Instead we ended up with a movie where the title Ex Machina makes a lot more sense.    

       Tilt: up.

Movie Review: "Man of Steel" by David Pretty

IN A NUTSHELL

The dude from Gladiator sends his son Kal-El to Earth just before their home planet of Krypton goes "ker-blooey." The interstellar orphan is renamed Clark by his adoptive family the Kents who try to raise him as a normal kid. Unfortunately he's "cursed" with super powers so he's all broody and angsty, especially after getting some downright terrible advice from his dad, Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Eventually evil survivors from Kal-El's home planet escape from their giant dildo prisons and seek out the last Son of Krypton to settle some unfinished business. Morpheus guest stars.

IN THE WHEELHOUSE

If you've always wanted a Micheal Bay understudy to direct a Superman movie, you're in luck. Alternately if you're allergic to things like pacing, character development, logic, tone and storytelling, this is the movie for you!

THE GOOD

• At the very least, Man of Steel tried to do something different, which is more than I can say for Superman Returns, which was little more than a slavish fan film dedicated to the Richard Donner movie. I really like the whole "Codex" angle, with Kal-El bearing the genetic profile of the entire Kryptonian race since it raises the stakes quite nicely.   
• Despite the fact that Russell Crowe felt slightly out of place his performance as Jor-El was surprisingly restrained and commanding. 
• Michael Shannon was awesome as General Zod. Despite the fact that his role was hideously underwritten, he was convincingly motivated to fulfill his scheme, regardless of how sketchy it seemed to be.
• Both Kevin Costner and Diane Lane are solid as young Clark's parents. This despite the fact that Jonathan Kent gives some pretty suspect advice and Martha doesn't get a whole lot to do.
• I really liked the early manifestation of Clark's abilities. If you were a little kid at school and you suddenly noticed that your friends looked like see-through "Visible Man" models in science class you'd freak the fux out as well.  
• I think that Henry Cavill is a fantastic pick as Clark Kent / Superman. Ever since I saw him in The Tudors I always thought that he'd make a great Superman. I just feel bad that the guy got saddled with such a shitty script, since he really doesn't get many opportunities to act like Superman. Or Clark Kent for that matter. Even though the character had no significant arc or development to speak of, his charisma still shines through.  
• I like a lot of the early goings of the film, especially the scenes with Clark bouncing around like a nomad trying to find himself and performing random acts of kindness. I also like the way they dealt with the whole "Fortress of Solitude" conundrum. 
• The script treats the character of Lois Lane with the same short shift as anything else but at least she gets one snoopy scene!
• The special effects, sound engineering and art design have all produced stunning results. The IHOP brawl and the final confrontation in Metropolis are a götterdämmerung orgy of PTSD-inspiring destruction and super-mayhem. 

THE BAD

• This movie is clearly designed for people with attention spans shorter than The Flash. For example, even though Jor-El is supposed to be a scientist, the film-makers clearly didn't want to give the audience the impression that he's some sort of wimpy, boring egg-head. So he's shown beating up Zod's minions, swimming like Micheal Phelps and flying around on a dragon. A DRAGON, fer Crissakes. 
• After young Clark understandably uses his super-powers to rescue his classmates, suspicions are immediately cast upon the Kent family, which leads to the following baffling exchange between Clark and his adopted dad: Clark: I just wanted to help. Jonathan: I know you did, but we talked about this. Right? Right? We talked about this! You have...Clark, you have to keep this side of yourself a secret. Clark: What was I supposed to do? Just let them die? Jonathan: Maybe... Now, IMHO, it really doesn't matter what good ol' Pa Kent says after telling his son "Maybe", since it pretty much sums up the the cock-eyed ethos of this terrible film. Seriously, are we all that self-absorbed and cuntish as a society now that we'd actually humor the notion of a father telling his child: "Son, clearly you were given some amazing gifts by a higher power. So, rather than risk revealing this and possibly impacting you, me and your mom in some completely speculative way, I want you to never, ever help people. I mean it: our privacy and the chance of being inconvenienced totally outweighs saving the lives of a bunch of innocent kids." Seriously? Y'know what? FUCK YOU, movie. Clearly writers David S. Goyer and Christopher "PAINT IT BLACK" Nolan were just throwing random ideas at the wall to see if any of them stick, not realizing that as soon as you float a concept this stupid, then you're no longer making a Superman movie. This is really driven home later on in a supremely idiotic and laughably melodramatic scene in which Jonathan goes to some pretty extreme lengths to "prove" his "point". In Richard Donner's Superman, Clark learns a valuable lesson about human frailty and the limit of his powers when something similar happens. In Man of Steel, Jonathan ultimately teaches Clark to be a selfish twat.
• Knowing that they can fall back on unlimited gobs of digital spectacle, writer David S. Goyer and director Zack Snyder don't seem too keen with laying down a proper foundation for the Superman mythos. That's why, in a movie that's unnecessarily two-and-a-half hours long, you see Supes bombing around in full costume, clumsily taking out mountaintops at around the fifty minute mark. In order to appease the most fleeting of attention spans, the story is told non-linear style so that we don't have to sit through too much pesky character development and plot points all in one go.
• When Snyder and company finally let themselves off of their lead, were "treated" to the equivalent of Alex's reprogramming at the end of A Clockwork Orange. If your idea of entertainment is seeing two CGI character models beating the shit out of each another and wrecking both a small town and an entire freakin' city, then get ready to be dazzled, folks. As for me I had to stop every few minutes because I was getting alternately bored and / or numbed by the boundless and unrestrained anarchy. Eventually it boils down to "guy dressed like Superman who I like only 'cuz he's not a complete asshole" versus "guy who wants to terraform earth and kill everyone because reasons". I really didn't feel as if I had a dog, or a "Krypto" as it were, in this fight at all.  
• Look, the Superman mythos has always been a pretty transparent Jesus parable, so did we really need that blatant shot in the church or the image of Superman Christ-pose floating backwards into space? Hey, Zack, tell me...how is it possible to be obvious and pretentious all at the same time?
• Of all the comic book characters out there, you'd think that, at the very least, you'd make Man of Steel vaguely watchable for children. Now, don't get me wrong, I railed against the assumption that comic book properties are exclusively kids stuff in my Deadpool review, but unlike that character, Superman was originally created to entertain younglings. Ergo, do we really need such an angsty, depressing, murderous, destructive, "realistic", gritty approach? Nowadays I just look at "dark" as a crutch for lazy writers. After all, Grant Morrison managed to retain the goofier aspects of the character but still came up with All Star Superman, which has since become a bonafide comic book classic.
• Speaking of "dark", it's not enough that the film boasts the sort of content that would make a neckbearded fanboy sport a super-boner, the movie literally looks like it was shot in a cave. All the color has been completely drained out of it. It's murky, grainy-looking and unrelentingly bleak. Everything is so gray and dead that I thought I was watching a Bizarro Superman movie, if not for the fact that the dialogue is marginally better. 
• One thing that really doesn't help in watching the film is the constant over-use of shaky-cam. I can't believe that this movie was directed by the same guy that gave us the relatively restrained Dawn of the Dead remake and Watchmen. Jesus, those movies look like Pan's Labyrinth and Lawrence of Arabia now in comparison.    
• The product placement is soooooo obnoxious here. After the movie I blacked out and when I came to I found myself gassing up at a 7-11 while gnawing on an IHOP waffle, all the while wearing a sassy new dickie that I'd just picked up at Sears.
• Laurence Fishburne says his inspiration for Perry White was 60 Minutes correspondent Ed Bradly. Oddly enough, I didn't really pick up on that given his four lines of dialogue and "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" screen time. 
• There is so much lazy screen-writing and co-incidental shit that happens going on here it's downright laughable. Amy Adams, bless her heart, tries her best but literally her only function in this movie is to serve as a cog to keep the film's clunky narrative piston engine chugging ahead. Count how many times she just conveniently teleports in from out of no-where to deliver exposition and you'll begin to wonder if this isn't some sort of Superman / Raven team up movie. 

THE M'EH

• As a side note, my Superman would never, ever consciously choose to battle a super villain in a heavily-populated place where humans could get squished en masse, but I think the script does a fair job justifying this whilst raising the threat level in the process. Many critics have crapped on Supes for not leading Zod out of the city but in his defense he does try to move the fight out into freakin' space. Remember, after Zod snaps he's not looking to kill Kal-El anymore, he's trying to murder as many humans as possible. That's why he keeps bringing the fight back to the "ant farm". Given this context I even forgive Clark for his "final solution" to his Zod problem ("Zodlem"?). Yes, I wish the writers had come up with a clever way for Superman to outwit Zod rather than the uncharacteristic, cro-magnon-style solve we get here. 
• I really like Amy Adams a lot but I do think she's slightly miscast here. As opposed to Kate Bosworth in Superman Returns, who was miscast and gave a flat performance. When I picture Lois Lane I don't picture "girl next door", I picture seasoned, street-smart, edgy and perhaps slightly drunk. Amy's got winsome, cute and effervescent locked down cold (Exhibit "A" here) but I'd still prefer a caffeine-wired, nosy, chain-smokin' Margot Kidder type.   
• The suit looks pretty good but I really wish they'd kept the trunks. Contrary to Zack Snyder's myopic claim that the shorts are just a leftover from Victorian-era strongman days and that he couldn't get a design to work within the "reality" of his "vision", the briefs are iconic and really break-up the goofy-looking "onsie" look that makes the whole ensemble look like a pair of haute couture long johns.   

THE BOTTOM LINE

I'm convinced that if this movie had been released under the tile of Good Alien, Bad Alien it would have been a perfectly serviceable but otherwise disposable summer time popcorn flick. But since it's called Man of Steel and it's supposed to be about Superman, people will continue to debate its merits ad nauseum.

How's this for merits: half way through the film I was actually still firmly onboard. Like I said, at least they were doing something different. But then, somewhere during the midway point it turned into a special-effects soaked alien invasion sci-fi flick that makes Independence Day look like The Day the Earth Stood Still. It's at this point when the film vomits as much noise, bombast and spectacle up on the screen in order to to distract you from the fact that what you're watching has precious little to do with Superman.

Look, here's the deal: a character like Batman can easily run the gamut between campy and serious. But, like it or not, Superman has only one default setting; he's a power fantasy figure for little kids. He wears blue long-johns, he flies, he has a cape and he shoots lasers out of his eyes. And when you take something that inherently childish and you give him a Gothic makeover it comes off as pretentious, heavy-handed and inadvertently funny. 

And, frankly, I don't even know why you'd want to make him so unremittingly edgy. If the ultimate goal is to have him share space with Batman, wouldn't you want these characters to contrast with one another? A ying and yang? Hell, it could be the greatest buddy cop movie since Lethal Weapon.

Oh, man, this doesn't bode well for Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice.

Tilt: down.
    

Movie Review-lette: "Berserk: The Golden Age Arc I - The Egg of the King" by David Pretty

Every once and awhile I'll indulge in an insane game called "Movie Review-lette", inviting social media friends to name a movie they want me to review. Naturally a "be-as-cruel-or-as-kind-as-you-wanna-be" waiver is always attached to this offer. As soon as I have ten suggestions I'll randomly pick one of 'em out of a hat to watch and review.

The last time I did this I ended up watching Big Top Pee-wee (thanks, BTW, to Josh Mullins for that...bastard). This little experiment scarred me so badly that I haven't done it again...until recently.

This time fate was a lot kinder, with Tyler Weir suggesting Berserk: The Golden Age Arc I - The Egg of the King, an anime adaptation of the classic, dark, epic fantasy manga written by Kentaro Miura back in 1988.

Hey, it can't be any worse than a movie Paul Reubens crapped out as an afterthought, right? Riiiight?!?

okay, before I get started, I have a confession to make. I really don't like a lot of anime. And unlike most people I can actually articulate why:

1. The oblique, heavy-handed, patently-obvious, "lost-in-translation" dialogue often comes across as completely tin-eared to me. 
2. Characters aren't so much three-dimensional beings as they are ridiculously broad archetypes. Hey, look, it's "brash-hot-headed-but-noble guy!" and here's "strong, silent, highly-competent" guy and *look!* it's my all time-favorite: "goofy, clumsy, sweet-but-awkward" guy! *Yawn*
3. The over-reliance on cheap animation tricks really pisses me off. For example: showing a character's face frozen in place while the backgrounds streak by in order to convey a charging attack of a giant load of horse shite. 
4. Many of the plots are so fucking convoluted that I just tune out. Now I know that some of this can be attributed to different story-telling traditions as well as cultural and / or language barriers, but more often than not its abundantly clear that the writer has no falking clue what they're doing. 
5. But the thing I despise the most by far are all those stupid, superfluous vocal exclamations that are shamelessly over-used. Sorry, but "Uh!", "Ah!" and "Huh?" ARE NOT LINES OF FUCKING DIALOGUE.

Despite these annoying tropes I've enjoyed some anime in the past, namely the goofy slapstick of Ranma 1/2, the engrossing depth of The Vision of Escaflowne and Record of Lodoss War, the lean and mean Blood as well as the sophistication and beauty of Akira, Ghost in the Shell and Princess Mononoke. So, there, I'm not a hater after all. The big question then becomes, does Berserk: The Golden Age Arc I - The Egg of the King fall into the first category or the second?

Fortunately, the flick gets a good start right out of the gate. We begin with an evocative opening shot with clouds, an Abrams-style lens flare, wheeling crows and what appears to be the odd meteor streaking across the sky. The camera then pans down into the tumult of a siege army charging towards the walls of a castle. As it turns out, the meteors are actually catapult pitch hurtling towards the battlements.

When the invading army finally breaches the castle walls they're temporarily thwarted by an intimidating, axe-wielding mountainoid in full plate armor named Bazuso. Just when it seems as if the invader's morale has been broken, an enigmatic mercenary named Guts (because anime) strides out of the crowd. After securing a seven silver piece bounty for killing the castle's hulking guardian, Guts (Marc Diraison) hurls himself into combat and defeats the giant with a combination of blunt force, wits and rage.

This spectacular feat draws the attention of Griffith (Kevin T. Collins), leader of the Band of Hawks, a powerful mercenary guild. In a move akin to a press-gang, they ambush Guts and subdue him with a Herculean group effort. When he wakes up in the Hawk's camp, the brash merc tries to exact revenge on Griffith but the effete, ultra-zen fighter puts him in the dirt again. Embracing a "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality, Guts decides the join the Hawks and go on campaign with them.

Fast-forward to three years later and the dominant Kingdom of Midland has retained the Hawks to destroy the upstart rival nation of Chuder. Thanks to a ballsy but reckless charge spearheaded by Guts, the Hawks rout the Black Sheep Iron Spears Heavy Knights (because anime) and the day is won. Unfortunately the power brokers in the realm, including the king's petty brother Yurius (Jesse Corti), aren't too keen on the meteoric rise of the Hawks, especially when Griffith draws the eye of the fetching Princess Charlotte (Rachael Lillis).

Things kick into high gear when Guts brashly confronts a demon named Nosferatu Zodd the Immortal (because anime). After the creature (voiced by J. David Brimmer) spies the red egg pendant worn by Griffith, he warns Guts that his mentor will be the death of him. This prophecy starts to ring true after Griffith gives Guts a revenge-fueled order to assassinate a political rival, which ends up going horribly sideways. 

Fortunately there's a lot to like here. Clocking in at a lean-and-mean seventy-seven minutes long, the film's run time could arguably be described as abbreviated but at least it doesn't overstay its welcome. The premise and early stages of the movie comes across as the inaugural session of a junior high school era D&D campaign but mid-way through things finally start to percolate. Even better, there's a genuine "Oh, fuck!" moment that happens right at the end of the movie which evoked shades of the first episode of The Shield for me; a ploy which kept me slavishly devoted to that particular show right up to the very end.

Right from the opening shot you know that the movie will look spectacular at the very least. The character designs, art direction and backgrounds are all lush and beautifully rendered. Except for the character's faces there are very few obvious tells that you're watching an anime here. In fact, a part of me wanted it to look more like a Kurosawa-style, feudal Japanese fantasy setting then yet another generic medieval European milieu.

The character animation is particularly convincing, leading me to believe that motion capture or some modern version of rotoscoping was used. Clearly a large chunk of the animation is computer-assisted and although I still prefer the more organic and immersive hand-drawn animation of an Akira, the results here are so gosh durned purdy that I feel churlish for criticizing it. The confrontation with Nosferatu Zodd is particularly impressive highlight.

As for the characters themselves, they're likable enough. Guts kinda reminds me of the main character in my first novel; he's stubborn, rage-filled, suicidally brave and hard-headed but he also has a sense of duty and is driven to do the right thing. After he's knocked unconscious by the Hawks he experiences a pretty intense fever dream that hints at his origins. I can only hope that this will be expanded upon in the next two parts.

Looking like a cross between Rarity from My Little Pony and Taylor Swift, Griffith comes across as quietly sinister in spite of his delicate appearance. When he nonchalantly tells Guts about how he came across the crimson behelit pendant and the cryptic prophecy of power that goes along with it, warning klaxons immediately started going off in my head. Especially when you consider that the pendant itself is decorated with random human features, including eyeballs that like to play peek-a-boo at unexpected moments.

But by far my favorite character is Casca (Carolyn Keranen), the female fighter who serves as Griffith's second-in-command. Things get off to a shaky start when Griffith orders her to sleep naked next to a comatose Guts in order to "keep him warm with her body heat". Given anime's cheesy penchant for shoe-horning scenes of superfluous female nudity into the proceedings, it's hard not to be cynical about such things. At least it's treated casually, it's non-exploitative and there are zero tentacles present.

I'd be slightly more forgiving if Guts was "full monty" in this scene as well, but as we all know "female nudity GOOD, male nudity BAD". I'd hate to think that animators throw these things in just for the purpose of titillating a bunch of sexually arrested neck-beards. I mean there can't be weirdos out there who have a fetish for fleeting glimpses of anime nudity, are there? What am I saying, of course there are.

Notwithstanding this, Casca is still a fun character. At first she's dead-set against recruiting Guts because she just thinks of him as a rabid dog. Even after Griffith insists on admitting him into the ranks of the Hawks, she constantly rides him for going off half-cocked. I loved the scene where she sucker-punches him for callously chopping down her horse in order to secure a cheap win. I wanted the movie to be longer if only to explore why she's so slavishly devoted to Griffith. Hopefully this will be covered somewhat in Part II.

As for Yurius, he isn't a particularly memorable villain. All he does is scowl and bitch a lot. As far as I can determine, he hates Griffith solely because he gets too much attention from the King for his military victories and too much attention from the princess 'cuz he's so gosh durned purdy. Then again, this is just the first act in a trilogy and it soon becomes abundantly clear that he's nothing more than a minor foil to help catalyze a critical story beat in this particular arc.

Then there's *sigh* Princess Charlotte. Charlotte makes Lynn Minmei from Robotech look like Sarah Connor. She's a mousy, timid, skittish thing who's dialogue primarily consists of those annoying little one-syllable vocal exclamation that I find so fucking annoying. If she isn't tripping over her own feet or getting carried away on a runaway horse she screaming like Chris Tucker in The Fifth Element. Above and beyond the fact that she's cute, I have no clue what Griffith sees in her. And even though I find it vaguely refreshing to see a female character written as something slightly less tough than Ellen Ripley, Charlotte is soft to the point of annoying.

So, yeah, even though Berserk: The Golden Age Arc I - The Egg of the King is under-plotted, the characters are broadly written and the film occasionally succumbs to the annoying anime tropes that give me fits, I'll definitely be watching Part II ASAP. Between the film's superficial beauty, fleeting pace and the plot twist at the end, I'll just go cue it up on Netflix right no....

Hey, wait...is Part II not on Netflix yet?!?

TYLEEEERRRRRRRR!!!

     Tilt: up.

Movie Review: "Zoolander" by David Pretty

I have no idea why Zoolander inspired a sequel fifteen years later. Oh, wait, yes I do. It's a five-letter word that starts with "m" and ends in "y".  And it ain't "mercy".

Ben Stiller plays Derek Zoolander, a pretty-but-incredibly-dim male model who's on the downside of his career trajectory. In addition to fending off irrelevance at the hands of "so hot right now" rival Hansel (Owen Wilson), Derek's monumental stupidity makes him the perfect unwitting pawn in the machinations of evil fashion designer Jacobim Mugatu (Will Ferrell) who wants to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia for cracking down on child labor laws.

In addition to this surprising dollop of social commentary, Zoolander gets a lot of mileage out of making fun of the modelling and fashion industry. Since I've always thought that mega-designers like Karl Lagerfeld and Donatella Versace were vampires anyway, their here as James Bond style super-villains isn't much of a stretch to me. In fact, one can argue that the general population has become so vapid, vacant and self-absorbed in the intervening years that the movie's extreme parody is starting to feel distressingly normal.

It's pretty much self-evident that Ben Stiller had a blast with this role. In addition to his immaculately-coiffed fright wig of spiky, black hair, "blue steel" became the unexpected prototype for the duck-faced selfie. When you add in the slightly-effete man-child voice, his propensity to strut everywhere as if he's on a runway and that consistently vacant "I-don't-have-a-clue-what-you're-saying-but-maybe-if-I-look-really-intense-it'll-seem-like-I-know" look, you've got a memorable comedic character for the ages. So, above and beyond a dump truck filled with cash, I can see the appeal of bringing Zoolander back for another kick at the can.

At face value, Owen Wilson might seem like an unconventional choice as a male model, but he's actually spot-on as the pouty, granola-munching, patchouli-scented, breakdance-fighting, neo-hippy Hansel. Watching Hansel and Derek trying to access the files in a delightfully-archaic iMac, 2001: A Space Odyssey style, is pure comedy gold. Jut-jawed, doe-eyed and mouth slightly agape at all times, Wilson is perfectly straight while delivering such enduring lines like "Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot".

Someone's gotta be the straight man here and, in this case, the straight man is a woman, namely Ben's real-life paramour, the delightful Christine Taylor. After watching her excel as muck-raking reporter turned free-spirit crusader Matilda, I really think she deserves more work in Hollywood beyond her husband's flicks. On a more sober note, Matilda was clearly included to make fun of once-proud bastions of journalism like Time magazine for running blatant puff pieces on fashion and celebrity. Nowadays it's de rigueur in the media.

As a master at portraying befuddled, indignant characters, Will Ferrell makes Mugatu one of his best roles. Whether he's trying to fathom Zoolander's bottomless stupidity, having a diva moment over a coffee requisition or looking glassy-eyed during a Clockwork Orange-style brainwashing video, Ferrell pretty much steals every scene he's in. The fact that his character appears to be named after a slightly less goofy-looking monster that Captain Kirk fought in an episode of Star Trek is just icing on the cake.

Above and beyond the top-billed actors who do a great job with the material, the script actually serves up some pretty funny set-pieces. After suffering through an epic level moment of public humiliation, Derek seeks solace from his three male-model room-mates, including an embryonic-looking Alexander Skarsgård as Meekus. Unfortunately their attempts to buoy Derek's mood results in a "freak gasoline-fight accident" that inspires our hero to *gasp* retire from the industry.

This results in one of the comedic highlights of the film. Derek goes back home to "coal country" in "Southern New Jersey" where he reunites with his estranged dad Larry (John Voight) and his brothers Luke (Vince Vaughn) and, um, Scrappy (Judah Friedlander). The sight of these three guys in their matching jet-black fright wigs, looking slightly dazed into the camera with coal-smudged faces just kills me. Voight is particularly hilarious, employing a facial expression that's half "deer in headlights" and half "OMG, what smells so bad?!?"

The film also benefits from a slew of high-placed supporting actors, including Ben's real-life pops Jerry, who plays Derek's sleazy, caustic agent Maury Ballstein. Milla Jovovich pouts, sneers, glares, and stalks her way through the film as Mugatu's ass-kicking assistant / enforcer Katinka Ingabogovinanana. Even buried under a ton of severe-looking makeup she still looks impossibly hot. And even though David Duchovny as paranoid, conspiracy nut / retired hand model J.P. Prewett is bit on the nose, its fun to see a grizzled and extra-cranky alternate-timeline Fox Mulder. Shades of the new X-Files series. Zing!

There are way too many cameos to mention and a lot of them are hideously dated (Fred Durst and Lil' Kim, I'm looking in your direction) but some of them are great. I dare you not to crack up as Natalie Portman earnestly refers to Derek as "almost too good looking." It's also great to see the late, great David Bowie preside over the intense "walk-off" between Derek and Hansel. But my favorite cameos are the "blink-or-you'll-miss-it" variety which includes Patton Oswalt as the "monkey photographer" and James "Spike" Marsden as John Wilkes Booth.

My only real complain is that the film isn't nearly as vicious as I'd like it to be. Even though I have to give props to to Stiller for skewering such ripe targets as the fashion industry, superficiality, self-absorption, and info-tainment news, I really wish that he'd been a bit more merciless with the satire. Having said that, when you realize Mugatu's incredibly tasteless "Derelicte" fashion line was inspired by this ass-clowns actual work, you soon realize that Stiller didn't have to dig too deep to find the parody. He just had to rename it.

And while I think it's gutsy that the film raises some pretty serious issues, they're immediately jettisoned in lieu of some cheap, increasingly-surreal Naked Gun / Airplane! gags. I'm referring, of course, to the fate of Derek's roomies, our hero's animated erection, and the Force-like powers inherent in his "new" "look" Magnum. Sure, I didn't exactly expect a PBS documentary when I sat down to watch this thing but when you raise issues like child labor and then include scenes of David Duchovny wearing an oxygen chamber on his hand, the whole edifice takes a hit. 

 
Not-so-fun-fact: the movie was originally released in theaters on September 28'th 2001, two weeks after 9/11. Needless to say, not many people were in a jokey mood at the time and the film sunk into oblivion pretty quickly. High testimony then that the movie found its audience on home video and has since become a cult comedy classic, to the point where a sequel would be green-lit fifteen years later.

Inevitably, your tolerance for Zoolander will be based on how much you like Ben Stiller, how much you despise the fashion industry and how much goofy you can tolerate in your humor. Even after answering "a lot", "even more so" and "not so much", I wanted to write it off as disposable, but the more I think about it, the more I liked it. For its unique combination of social satire, appealing cast, fun cameos and genuinely amusing set-ups, the movie rates a "Relax...Go To It".

Tilt: up.

  

Movie Review: "Deadpool" by David Pretty

Just as we're closing in on the saturation point for superhero movies, Deadpool arrives in the nick of time to parody the entire genre and nudge it into the realm of full-blown adult entertainment. As a kid, never in my wildest dreams would I ever think that a hard "R"-rated comic book property would be released in February of 2016 and pull in $135 million dollars during its opening weekend. In the immortal words of The Great Vizzini "Inconceivable!" 

Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) is a motor-mouthed merc who's chosen profession gives him carte blanche to threaten would-be stalkers within an inch of their lives. One night he meets Vanessa (Morena Baccarin), a delightfully vulgar hooker who turns out to be his soul-mate. Just when the movie seems destined for a "happily ever after" ending and the shortest run time ever, Wade gets diagnosed with terminal cancer and realizes that he's going to die. Like really, really really soon. 

With his options quickly drying up, Wade accepts a sketchy offer from a professional pall bearer / Agent Smith impersonator known only as The Recruiter (Jed Rees). The proposal is simple: guinea pig our experimental treatment and we'll cure your cancer and give you superpowers. Win, win! Well, in a classic example of clicking "I Agree" before reading all of the "Terms and Conditions", Wade soon finds himself laboring under the questionable bedside manner of the maniacal and decidedly-British villain Franci...er, Ajax (Ed Skrein) who's motivation *surprise, surprise*, turns out to be less than honorable.

Eventually Wade escapes captivity, but not before he's horribly scarred from head-to-toe. With help from his nominal partner Weasel (T.J. Miller) and odd-couple roomie Blind Al (Leslie Uggams), Wade re-brands himself as Deadpool, a virtually unkillable killing machine hell-bent on tracking Ajax down and pummeling a cure out of him. In addition to this primary action item, he also does his best to protect Vanessa at arm's length while dealing with the X-Men's surprisingly-aggressive recruitment quotas.

As soon as the film's snarky title credits started to roll by, I knew that the film's producers were gonna do things right. In order for this to work we needed plenty of rapid-fire dialogue, twisted banter and a constant parade of salty irreverence and I'm pleased to report that writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick hit it out of the park. On paper, the character of Deadpool is like Spider-Man crossed with Jason Lee in Chasing Amy and Mallrats. He's sarcastic, profane, acerbic, cocky and a veritable font of pop-culture knowledge. In other words: he's your average a comic book shop owner but heavily armed and dressed up in spandex.

Now you can have the most dynamic, colorful, witty dialogue imaginable, but if it's not well-delivered and well-directed the entire artifice crumbles. Gilmore Girls, I'm looking in your direction. Er, sorry (not sorry). Mercifully the cast is up to the challenge and none moreso than Ryan Reynolds. Fuck Leonardo DiCaprio and his digital teddy bear, here's a dude who really suffered for his art. Between the constant physical abuse, full-body makeup, and being sealed up in a full-length costume for most of the movie, Reynolds is clearly game to do whatever it takes to bring this character to life.

Sometimes critics have a hard time taking Ryan Reynolds seriously in dramatic roles, but even the most cynical douche-nozzle has to admit that he's absolutely perfect for this role. Even early on Reynolds shows how adept he is at delivering rapid fire dialogue that relies heavily on comedic timing. I was laughing so consistently during the pizza delivery scene that I kept missing out on jokes. Even when he's vacuum sealed in that red and black costume his body language is still incredibly expressive.

Reynolds is equally on point during those rare, relatively-quiet moments. His scenes with Morena Baccarin are completely bereft of any pretension. Indeed, they're both asked to do some pretty crazy stuff on-screen and neither of them exhibit a hint of self-consciousness. Reynolds sells Wade's love for Vanessa and his desire to spare her any pain so effectively that his insane gamble makes perfect sense. Then, during the torture scenes, our hero goes from wise-assed to apoplectic with rage in a flash. His hatred for Ed Skrein's character is downright palpable, especially when Vanessa inevitably falls under his auspices. 

Speaking of Morena, I love how Vanessa is just as bawdy, perverted and uninhibited as Wade is. Mercifully, the writers managed to make her a tad more interesting than the average female action movie love interest. If you don't believe me then compare her to Natalie Portman's milquetoast Jane in the Thor movies. Even though screenwriters are virtually obliged to write all women now as generic ass-kickers, I'd still much rather see that than the former prevailing attitude which depicted women as professional hostages. Fortunately Morena is more than believable in the whole "tough as nails" capacity.

As subversive as Deadpool can be at times, it's still bound to action movie tropes, conventions and nigh-obligatory story beats. For example, it's pretty much mandatory that the love interest will be menaced by the bad guy at some point. In the defense of Reese and Wernick, they tried to keep me guessing within the narrow confines of their limited parameters, especially where Vanessa is concerned. Just when the story started to hint at an inevitable direction, the writers subverted my expectations, which is always a pleasant change. And whenever they had to adhere to cliche, they just tapped their main character to break the fourth wall and give them shit over it.  

The balance of the cast is equally solid. Ed Skrein isn't the most developed villain in cinema history, but at least he has a motive above and beyond "I AM EVIL". In the end you'll love to hate him just because of the sheer unmitigated joy he exhibits cranking out mutants in the most agonizing way possible. T.J. Miller is refreshingly frank and knows his limitations as Wade's fair-weather friend Weasel. Also major props to the casting department for tapping 60's / 70's-era singer and actress Leslie Uggams as Wade's blind room-mate Al. I In a lesser film, Al would be treated like a porcelain doll but here she's subjected Deadpool's acid tongue just like everyone else.

X-Men fans can also rejoice knowing that our favorite Borscht-flavored mutant has finally been represented on-screen properly for the very first time. Over the years we've seen something billed as "Colossus" in Bryan Singer's X-Men movies but in-name only. Thanks to writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, voice actor Stefan Kapičić and motion-capture work by Andre Tricoteux and Greg LaSalle, we finally get the Piotr Nikolaievitch Rasputin we all know and love. Can you imagine what other X-Men characters would benefit from a makeover if this same creative team got their talented mitts on them? 

And it's not just the character's size, ornamental haircut and striated metal skin I'm talking about; Reese and Wernick really nailed the character's boy-scout persona. In Deadpool, Colossus winces at the eponymous hero's potty mouth, turns away during an inadvertent costume malfunction, espouses the benefits of breakfast as the most important meal of the day and gets ill at the sight of graphic violence. Sure, he inexplicably fails to liberate Dopinder's (Karan Soni) trunk hostage or prevent Negasonic Teenage Warhead (Brianna Hildebrand) from torching a bunch of goons and, yes, upstart strong girl Angel Dust (Gina Carano) proves to be a bit too much of a challenge, but, hey, they got a helluva lot more right than wrong.

As for our favorite X-trainee Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Brianna Hildebrand's popularity is literally blowing up on the sosh meeds! With her surly, uncommunicative attitude, unimpressed facade and pre-battle Tweets, she's a pretty broad Millennial stereotype but she's also the welcome catalyst for a series of truly memorable scenes. I love how she constantly spars with Deadpool and the two eventually grant each other some modicum of respect. I sincerely hope she finds her way into the X-Men franchise proper or, at the very least, becomes a fixture in the inevitable deluge of Deadpool sequels.   

Here's the most promising thing I can say about the movie: I keep coming back to the writing. Realizing that Deadpool constantly blathering at the audience for close to two hours straight would likely lose its luster, the screenwriters wisely decided to deliver their story in an unconventional manner. After snagging our attentions with the incredible overpass action sequence, Reese and Wernick then dollop out Deadpool's origin story in tasty little morsels. They keep jumping back and forth between present day and flashbacks until all the blanks are filled in and Deadpool proudly tells us that we're "up to speed".

As a side note, Deadpool also benefits from pretty much the same approach that Attack the Block used for its own soundtrack. Interspersed amongst Junkie XL's electronic score is a slew of ironic / not ironic selections like "Angel of the Morning" by Juice Newton, "Careless Whisper" by Wham! and "Shoop" by Salt-N-Papa. And just like in Attack the Block, the end credits feature an original rhyme called "Deadpool Rap" by YouTube luminaries TeamHeadKick.

Now this what I'd call a CGI-soaked film but what little there is pretty impressive. Case in point: the previously-mentioned Colossus looks incredible. As for Deadpool himself, this could very well be the best-looking and most-accurate superhero costume ever committed to film. I love how the special effect team took the time to animate the eyes on the mask. It's a nice touch that not only dovetails perfectly with Ryan's performance it actually manages to enhance it.

Perhaps my only complaint with regards to Wade's appearance is how he looks unmasked. Frankly, I wanted them to go more gruesome and more gnarled, perhaps something like this. As it stands right now he just looks like your average burn victim, which isn't going to cause the sort of consternation shown in Vancouver's Chinatown as depicted in the film. This is so obvious that it's kinda hard to sympathize with Wade's desire to stay away from Vanessa. Indeed, if she reacted in horror to his face we'd be sorely tempted to write her off as a superficial bitch.

Above and beyond this minor beef and the sometimes-mechanical plotting, there's one other issue which, funny enough, hearkens back to my earlier Kevin Smith reference. Although the action sequences in Deadpool are par excellence, the dialogue scenes were clearly shot in the quickest, most perfunctory and workmanlike manner possible. If you want a stark contrast to this, just re-watch Guardians of the Galaxy and take note of how James Gunn clearly put a ton of effort into the dialogue set-ups versus the bland Lucas-esque shot / reverse shot approach used here.

 
This is a shame 'cuz if these scenes had been shot with the same sort of flair and imagination that matched the dialogue, it could have complimented the word-play perfectly. But being a first-time director, perhaps Tim Miller didn't want to do anything to jeopardize the dialogue and the performances. And, yeah, I understand that, but I think the film is a bit poorer for this conservative stance. What I'm saying is that the film could have been even more creative, gonzo and artistic with a more visionary eye behind the camera.

Okay, I'm done. I don't wanna talk about the movie anymore for fear of spoiling so much as a single gag or scene.

But one last thing: to the clueless parents out there who started up this moronic "Give Us A 'PG-13' Deadpool Movie So My Spoiled, Whiny, Afterthought Brat Can See It" petitions, get a fucking clue. When I was a kid there were tons of bad-ass "R" rated movies that I really wanted to see, but I either had to wait until I was old enough or find some sneaky way to see it. Either alternative will do more to build up character in your dumb wiener kid then trying to cram a square peg into a round hole. It's people like you that kept comic book movies in the ghetto of "children's entertainment" for far too long. So, fer Chrissakes, teach your kid the meaning of "No" just once in their entitled lifetimes.

"Oh won't someone think of the children!" Fuck that, I'm tired of acquiescing to your ill-conceived motivations to breed. It's about time movie makers started thinking more about discriminating adults and artistic integrity than appealing to half-developed brains and making sure that every possible demographic is covered for the sake of a few hypothetical profit points. Hopefully the unmitigated success of Deadpool will finally make Marvel Studios sit up and take notice. Can you imaging what a Guardians of the Galaxy movie would be like if the kid gloves were taken off?

Here's the best thing about Deadpool: it's so unremittingly perverted, foul-mouthed and violent that a "PG-13" cut would render it as about comprehensible as the "R"-rated cut of Peter Jackson's Dead  / Alive.

Okay, we're done here. Just go out and see the friggin' movie already.

Except you, Matthew. You just stay right there and watch another episode of Arthur.

Tilt: up.

Movie Review: "Attack The Block" by David Pretty

In much the same way that Låt Den Rätte Komma In revolutionized the vampire yarn by setting it in Sweden during the early 80's, Attack the Block resuscitates the alien invasion genre thanks to the colorful backdrop of a public housing high-rise tenement in South London.

During Guy Fawkes night, Moses (John Boyega) and his band of street thugs decide to kick the evening off  by liberating a local nurse named Samantha (Jodie Whittaker) of her belongings. Seconds later a meteorite slams into a parked car, prompting Moses to rummage through it for valuables. What he finds instead is a  vicious creature which slashes his face and bounces off. Not one to back down from a fight, Moses and his crew track the thing down and kill it.

Unfortunately the critter turns out to be alien in origin and, even worse, a scout of sorts. Pretty soon the things are raining down in Brixton like hailstones, terrorizing the residents and "wilding" like no gang member ever could. Seeing this a direct affront to the "block", Moses does his best to defend Wyndham Tower from the invaders and pretty soon the council estate becomes an interstellar battleground for the ages.

Attack the Block is loads of fun. Although the premise might not be the most original thing in the world, the setting alone makes it unique. Like a real-world version of Alex's Droogs from A Clockwork Orange, these aspiring punks have their own unique language. Other than Sascha Baron Cohen's Ali-G, I've never heard characters talk like this in a movie before and the challenging patois forces you to sit up and pay attention. For example, the predisposition of local wannabe gangsta rapper Hi-Hatz (Jumayn Hunter) to shout the Jamaican greeting of "Wagwan!" whenever he bombs into a room had me chuckling every time.

 
Despite the fact that movie's budget was under twelve million dollars, it looks incredibly slick. Director Joe Cornish and cinematographer Tom Townend have produced a beautiful looking picture which is impeccably lit, rain-glossed and awash with gorgeous splashes of neon color. Add in some dynamic blocking, lively editing, thrilling action set-pieces and a modest run time and you've got an experience that just jets by in the most entertaining way imaginable.

The film's aural accomplishments are also considerable. Above and beyond the shrill screams of the monsters, the audio mix is powerful, with booming meteorite hits, roaring mopeds and blazing fireworks. The film's original soundtrack features moody, John Carpenter-esque ambient electronic tones by Basement Jaxx punctuated with classic tunes by Richie Spice and KRS-One. One notable highlight is an original jam "by" High-Hatz called "Get That Snitch" which manages to marry gangsta rap with a twinge of nerdcore.     

Another major part of the film's appeal is the original creature design. Looking like a combination of Donkey Kong, Sonic the Hedgehog, Fizzgig from The Dark Crystal and a really pissed-off shadow puppet, the aliens in Attack the Block are like elemental forces of nature. These spiky-haired black holes of pure rage are inherently terrifying, particularly when they lunge directly at the camera, their rows of glowing, blue, translucent, crystalline fangs intent on your neck. The effect used to drain every ounce of color and light out of their hides is strikingly effective.

A movie like this has the potential to go from good to great if the cast is game and Attack the Block truly shines in this regard. John Boyega, who recently became Finn for a whole new generation of Star Wars fans, makes a meteor-like impression as young tough Moses. It's so rare to see a character have an arc like this in a sci-fi picture this but screenwriter Joe Cornish gives Boyega a lot to work with and he really delivers.     

What I like most is that the script doesn't patronize Moses and his gang. In a shitty American movie, Moses  would never rob an innocent girl and then willingly accept a drug peddling assignment from High Hatz. In other words, he'd be "badass" without being bad. This is, or course, is completely idiotic because you need to see a character at their lowest point to better contrast where they end up.

Joe Cornish does a great job peeling back the layers to this character. As soon as goes after the creature that attacks he we can see that he's brave, so that's a tic in the "positive" column. Not long after he expresses regret over what this random act of violence has wrought. By the time he Sam sees his room, learns about his home life and realizes how old he is, Moses has come fill circle in our eyes. Major props to John Boyega for making the evolution of this character seem genuine every step along the way.    

Since most people haven't grown up on the hard streets of South London, our window into this world is the character of Samantha Adams, played to perfection by Jodie Whittaker. She's a hard working nurse, barely getting by and she's new to the neighborhood. So when she gets jacked up by Moses and his posse we're immediately on her side. Throughout it all, Whittaker is strident, sympathetic, feisty and self-assured. Better yet, she's the perfect sounding board for our increasingly-complicated feelings about the gang members.

Speaking of the gang, they're all clearly drawn and well-represented by talented young actors. Motor-mouthed Alexander Esmail is great as the cocky, lovable, pyromaniacal irritant (appropriately) named Pest. Franz Drameh brings an out-of-patience edge to the character of Dennis. Leeon Jones is whip-sharp as the relatively bookish Jerome. His frantic delivery of the classic line "This is too much madness to explain in one text!" is spot-on. Rounding out the gang is Simon Howard as Biggz, who spends most of his screen time trapped in a alien-besieged dumpster. He does a great job selling "scared shitless" to the audience.

Even the bit players are great. Genre comedy darling Nick Frost is perfectly cast as the block's friendly neighborhood weed-peddler Ron. Luke Treadaway is a skittish delight as Brewis, an anthropology student who just so happens to be Ron's best customer. It's great to watch him slowly earn the gang's respect when his half-baked theories turn out to be accurate. And although Jumayn Hunter has plenty of legitimate swagga as Hi-Hatz, the script forces him to act like a complete moron in order to preserve him as an antagonist. Sorry, but even the dimmest bulb on the planet would rethink their priorities after encountering one of those "big alien gorilla wolf motherfuckers".

Impressively, Attack the Block isn't content just being a sharply-written sci-fi actioner; it also strives to provide some biting social commentary. This is nicely summed up in the following soliloquy by Moses who opines about a possible reason for the attack:

"I reckon the Feds sent them anyway. Government probably bred those things to kill black boys. First they sent in drugs, then they sent guns and now they're sending monsters in to kill us. They don't care man. We ain't killing each other fast enough. So they decided to speed up the process."  
This is further borne out by the film's brave denouement in which the authorities go after the usual suspects versus the obvious, if unconventional, ones.

Honestly, Attack the Block surprised the heck outta me. While casual viewers can enjoy it on a purely superficial level, cinephiles will dig it for the great dialogue, solid performances, witty script and the thematic relevance. Honestly, it's a movie that deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as Neill Blomkamp's District 9 when talking about impressive genre-themed directorial debuts. 

        
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